


don't cry my love

by laceythighs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, Feelings, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 07:55:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19884217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laceythighs/pseuds/laceythighs
Summary: its been a year since mark’s boyfriend, hyuck committed suicide. when mark cleaned the apartment they used to live in, he found a red box. and inside were polaroids hyuck took throughout their dates together, and a letter titled “for my love”.





	don't cry my love

**Author's Note:**

> my mental health wasn't the best these past few days, so i ranted it all out and made a story.

_**FLASHBACK JUNE 16 2018** _

as mark entered the school gates, he saw a bunch of people gathering a spot looking up to the rooftop. mark didn’t really care about these gatherings his schoolmates had, neither did his friends jeno and jaemin cared about it. he casually avoided the crowd, put on his earphones and hit the play button of the playlist hyuck sent him whenever he was having a bad morning. but as soon as he pressed play, a panicked jaemin went up to mark, nearly shouting at him and getting his attention. mark was confused, jaemin was crying and his face was visibly terrified. “jaemin? whats happening-“ mark said but was cut when the crowd started screaming a name. a name that he was really into, a name that he fell in love with, the name of his loved, donghyuck.

when the screams of the crowd got mark’s attention, mark looked up to where everyone else was looking at, and there he was. hyuck was on the edge of the rooftop, eyes closed with his dark red hair that mark loved to make fun of, wearing his school uniform and his arms out wide open as if he was going to fly. but as soon as mark saw his lover, he immediately dropped his bag on the floor and ran inside the building up to the stairs going to the rooftop to stop his lover.

everything mark was thinking about was only about hyuck, mark kept repeating the words ‘no not now’ on his head and was even close to crying. as soon as he opened the door to the rooftop, he saw his lover’s back view. in all of mark’s life he would never imagine himself in a situation like this, with that he didn’t know what to do. “HYUCK!” mark let out a shout, when he got hyuck’s attention by turning around to see his lover, hyuck let out a sob. mark’s face was visibly terrified, his eyes getting very watery as he sees his lover at this sight. hyuck mouthed an ‘i love you’ to his lover, and after he mouthed it out, mark has never screamed out loud in his life, he dropped on his knees and and just stared at where hyuck was standing at, except hyuck was no longer there. he heard the crowd’s screams and cries on the lower floor. mark quietly sobbed, as he clenches his heart as it was hurting so bad, because mark’s lover, mark’s soulmate, mark’s one and only, was gone.

** _PRESENT DAY: JUNE 16 2019._ **

many people thought mark handled the situation very well as he was still going to school but of course his aura was different, but really after the incident mark has been experiencing panic attacks and nightmares due to the loss of his lover, hyuck. 

he would always invite over his friends, or hyuck’s friends over to hangout and distract themselves from the situation as they were all very traumatized from the incident of their bestfriend. mark also started attending therapy sessions that jeno’s mom scheduled for him, but mark didn’t really want to go nor do anything at that point, he just wanted hyuck. he wanted his kisses, he wanted to hear his laugh again, he wanted to feel his hugs again, god mark really wanted to marry donghyuck, but time was really a piece of shit. 

mark just got back to his apartment from visiting his lover’s grave as its already been a year since the incident. he got a text from his friend, jeno saying that he’ll come over, at first mark was hesitant on inviting him over but then he thought why not bring his friend over and maybe distract himself. when jeno arrived, he immediately made a comment saying that the apartment was messy. it was messy before when mark and hyuck would live together, but now it was even more messier just like mark’s thoughts. 

“get up, ill help you clean up” jeno said as he reached out his hand to mark who was laying on the couch lazily. mark looked at jeno’s hand and grabbed it to get him up. he didnt say anything, but did start grabbing the clothes that was laying on the floor, signaling jeno that he doesn’t want to talk and just clean. so thats what jeno did

it has been two hours since the two boys were cleaning, jeno already left as he has a dinner reservation with his parents, which leaves mark all alone again, he continued to clean because he thinks hyuck would he happy if the apartment was clean, well that’s what jeno mentioned so it gave him more motivation to clean. mark opened a closet, the closet that belongs to his lover and boyfriend, he expected to have a bunch of clothes but it was all filled with some boxes that are used to store some of hyuck’s items. mark was cleaning the dusts in the closet, and moving each box out of the closet to clean it even more. he recognized each and every box as it was labeled, like “hyuck’s favorite books” or “hyuck’s favorite records” that was filled with micheal jackson records. but as he moved out each box, mark saw a small red box in the corner, with the label “for my love”. 

mark quickly opened the red box, curious to see who it was for. as soon as he opened it, he immediately dropped the box because he was in shock of what he saw, with this his eyes started to form tears. the box was filled of polaroid pictures, of them. it was full of him and hyuck, throughout their dates. when mark picked up the box and brought it to his bed, he one by one took every picture one by one to take a closer look. and in each and every photo, the memories from the photo comes back to his vision.

a polaroid of them in the ferris wheel, he remembered when it was taken, hyuck almost dropped the camera as he was scared of heights, but thankfully he had mark to distract him from his fear. it was taken during their third date, when they went to an amusement park that hyuck suggested. another polaroid of them in the playground at night, at that day hyuck’s mental state was getting worse, and his calm place was at the playground he used to go to when he was a kid. mark was there to comfort him, he would bring them ice cream and make some silly jokes, it was unforgettable. 

at every polaroid mark was seeing, his tears wouldn't stop running and he let out a sob. he missed him, so much. everything about him, he missed it. he wished he was always gonna be there when hyuck needed him, he kept blaming himself for this incident. but he knew that his lover was in a better place, more quiet and calming, more calming than the playground. mark saw a polaroid he took of hyuck, few days before the incident. his hair was red, his smile was the cutest yet most beautiful thing he has ever seen, his tanned skin that would glow everytime mark sees him, his sweater that hyuck borrowed from him that he never returns. as he saw the picture, he closed his eyes and clenched the polaroid on his heart. his tears were running, his sobs getting louder every minute. 

as soon as he calmed down, he saw a letter on the end of the box. it was written in a pretty long bond paper, and it was covered in stickers hyuck used to collect, and it was labeled “ _for my love”_

_FOR MY LOVE:_

_** my love, my one and only.  ** _

_i’m writing this on june 15, 2018 and it’s 11:23PM. i’m on our desk writing this, beside me is you, who’s deeply asleep. god mark, you’re so cute when you sleep, you started sleep talking a few minutes ago, about how you loved watermelons and how you were craving for them. my heart flutters everytime you speak. remember when i was a newbie in our school? you, as the student council secretary showed me around, at first i was a little bit intimidated by you, but honestly you were a charming handsome young guy, every girl and guy would date you._

_you invited me over for lunch, but as we sat down and ate more people came in our table. it was quite uncomfortable for me as i wasn’t really into a big friend group, and you noticed that. so you brought me up to the rooftop, and we just chatted there. i remember everytime you talked, you were just so handsome, your eyes were glistening and the sun touching your cheeks as if it signals me to kiss it. but we just met that day, although i knew i had a crush on you._

_hangouts became dates, friends became lovers. our first date was awkward yet unforgettable, i even took a polaroid of you while you were buying me some popcorn and placed it at the back of my phone. we watched the avengers end game that day, it was a great movie and all but really i was mesmerized by how focused you were at the movie. i knew at that point i liked you_

_we became boyfriends after our second date, we were happy, you introduced me to jaemin and jeno. we had sleepovers, we started to rent an apartment together, had part time jobs together. god mark it was like us practicing on becoming a married couple. i never wanted this to end mark, i seriously fucking love you. but my mental state said no._

_i was never really open to you mark about my mental health, although you knew you had to keep me happy since you were aware about my past events and my depression. you knew about me taking medications, and attending therapy sessions. you were the best boyfriend i could’ve ever had._

_people think i was the happy person in our community, i had friends, i had you, i had a life where i can go out at 2AM and buy ice cream but mark, they focused on what i have, but they never focus on what i was really feeling._

_i’m tired mark. i think i’ve lived enough._

_every fucking day i wake up, i get pissed about it, like here we go again. i don’t want to wake up anymore mark, i’m too tired. i’ve experienced enough, i’ve learned so much things, met so many great people out there. i really love you, i really do mark. but i’m not doing this to hurt you, although i know damn well you’ll get hurt by this mark and i’m sorry for that._

_you make me want to get up every morning, for anything i would see your goofy smile one last time. you make me happy mark, but it’s time for me to go. i can’t live like this, not for long. it’s very tiring my love, i can’t stand it. i’m sorry i couldn’t wait till we’re married and have an actual house together instead of waking up to overdue rent. i really am, but please be happy._

_don’t be sad about this mark, not too long. i’ll be there for you my love, just not physically but always be in your heart. you’ve done great things for me and for the world mark, please keep it up, for me? sooner or later, you’ll be happy my love. trust me. achieve your goals, do your best and always make me happy my love._

_i love you so much mark, i really do._

_please be happy, everything will be okay soon._

_thank you for the memories, and for letting me experience on how to finally love someone._

_thank you mark._

_— donghyuck, your little sunshine._

_P.S please put pretty sunflowers on my grave!_

as mark read the whole letter, his tears kept running down his cheeks. his emotions were all over the place. mark placed the letter on his chest, closing his eyes as he reminisces their memories of being together. “my little sunshine.”

**Author's Note:**

> suicide hotlines:  
> United States: 1-800-273-8255  
> United Kingdom: 116 123  
> Canada:1 800 456 4566  
> Ireland: 116 123  
> Philippines: 2919  
> Australia: 131 114
> 
> http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html


End file.
